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The Jerk

The Jerk
This list was started on 18th March 2011 by djMADsKiLLz
There are 96 learnings for this movie
This list was last updated on 14th May 2015

The Things I Learned . . .

1
Fine restaurants should be able to keep the snails off the food.
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    Posted, 18th March 2011
    by djMADsKiLLz
    2
    2
    Astronaut applications are an acceptable form of identification at the bank.
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      Posted, 19th March 2011
      by SPCAndyJ
      2
      3
      The people who stole Mrs. Nussbaum's credit card are traveling in a blue getaway car which is pulling a small church.
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        Posted, 18th March 2011
        by djMADsKiLLz
        1
        4
        Unconditional love means loving someone even if they are the color of a baboon's ass.
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          Posted, 18th March 2011
          by djMADsKiLLz
          1
          5
          Cat juggling is a tragedy, and should be completely outlawed!
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            Posted, 19th March 2011
            by AshBlaze
            1
            6
            If you're in the new phonebook, you're somebody now!
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              Posted, 13th June 2011
              by Jimster114
              1
              7
              When picking out a Thermos, be sure to get the extra best Thermos that money can buy. Desirable features include vinyl, stripes, and a cup built right in.
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                Posted, 18th March 2011
                by djMADsKiLLz
                0
                8
                When it comes to wine, don't waste your time with anything bottled prior to the current year. Fresher is better.
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                  Posted, 18th March 2011
                  by djMADsKiLLz
                  0
                  9
                  Pizza in a Cup is one of the more competitive restaurant themes.
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                    Posted, 18th March 2011
                    by djMADsKiLLz
                    0
                    10
                    Stay away from the cans.
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                      Posted, 18th March 2011
                      by djMADsKiLLz
                      0
                      11
                      More people see your ass than the phonebook.
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                        Posted, 18th March 2011
                        by djMADsKiLLz
                        0
                        12
                        When you find out you're not gonna turn the color of your family, it's heart-wrenching.
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                          Posted, 19th March 2011
                          by AshBlaze
                          0
                          13
                          Pet names should not be considered by irate Asians.
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                            Posted, 19th March 2011
                            by AshBlaze
                            0
                            14
                            When a girl you're with goes into a trumpet solo, you know it's meant to be.
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                              Posted, 19th March 2011
                              by AshBlaze
                              0
                              15
                              When you know the difference between sh*t and Shinola you are ready to leave home and make it on your own.
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                                Posted, 19th March 2011
                                by SPCAndyJ
                                0
                                16
                                Make sure not to kick "Iron Balls McGinty" in the nuts.
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                                  Posted, 19th March 2011
                                  by djMADsKiLLz
                                  0
                                  17
                                  It's my 47th birthday and I was just told I'm gonna stay this color forever.
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                                    Posted, 25th April 2011
                                    by benzent
                                    0
                                    18
                                    You don't need anything else, oh, you need that!
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                                      Posted, 13th June 2011
                                      by Jimster114
                                      0
                                      19
                                      Navin was born a poor black child.
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                                        Posted, 21st October 2012
                                        by skippkipp
                                        0
                                        20
                                        Navin Johnson is going to stay that color.
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                                          Posted, 21st October 2014
                                          by zikzak393
                                          0
                                          21
                                          Don't try to shrink and float through a trumpet, you'll get spit all over you.
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                                            Posted, 21st October 2014
                                            by zikzak393
                                            0
                                            22
                                            Navin Johnson is not authorized personel.
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                                              Posted, 29th October 2014
                                              by zikzak393
                                              0
                                              23
                                              If you catch anything, see a doctor and get rid of it.
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                                                Posted, 29th October 2014
                                                by zikzak393
                                                0
                                                24
                                                Navin will have additional money after his 'blow' job.
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                                                  Posted, 29th October 2014
                                                  by zikzak393
                                                  0
                                                  25
                                                  Navin is not a Bum, he's a Jerk.
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                                                    Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                    by zikzak393
                                                    0
                                                    26
                                                    The best place to find a Jerk and hear his life story is outside a movie theater.
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                                                      Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                      by zikzak393
                                                      0
                                                      27
                                                      Navin once had wealth, power and the love of a beautiful woman.
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                                                        Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                        by zikzak393
                                                        0
                                                        28
                                                        Now, Navin only has two things. His friends and his Thermos.
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                                                          Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                          by zikzak393
                                                          0
                                                          29
                                                          Need a spare tire? Look on the porch roof.
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                                                            Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                            by zikzak393
                                                            0
                                                            30
                                                            The perfect birthday meal for a white boy is a Tuna Salad sandwich on white bread with Mayo, a Tab and two Twinkies.
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                                                              Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                              by zikzak393
                                                              0
                                                              31
                                                              Navin is just like Tiny Tim.
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                                                                Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                by zikzak393
                                                                0
                                                                32
                                                                Navin's mother would still love him even if he was the color of a Baboon's ass.
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                                                                  Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                  by zikzak393
                                                                  0
                                                                  33
                                                                  There's something about the Blues that makes Navin depressed.
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                                                                    Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                    by zikzak393
                                                                    0
                                                                    34
                                                                    Navin has ugly toes.
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                                                                      Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                      by zikzak393
                                                                      0
                                                                      35
                                                                      The Lord loves a workin' man.
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                                                                        Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                        by zikzak393
                                                                        0
                                                                        36
                                                                        Don't never trust Whitey.
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                                                                          Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                          by zikzak393
                                                                          0
                                                                          37
                                                                          Don't name a dog 'Lifesaver'. Name him 'Shit-head'.
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                                                                            Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                            by zikzak393
                                                                            0
                                                                            38
                                                                            When hitchhiking, always accept a ride even if it's just to the end of your fence.
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                                                                              Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                              by zikzak393
                                                                              0
                                                                              39
                                                                              When hitchhiking, always let Shit-head ride up front.
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                                                                                Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                by zikzak393
                                                                                0
                                                                                40
                                                                                Working your way up to President of Texaco Oil start at $1.10 and hour.
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                                                                                  Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                  by zikzak393
                                                                                  0
                                                                                  41
                                                                                  With a little bit of remodeling, a gas station men's room could make a fine bachelor pad.
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                                                                                    Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                    by zikzak393
                                                                                    0
                                                                                    42
                                                                                    Joint Cigarettes aren't made very well.
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                                                                                      Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                      by zikzak393
                                                                                      0
                                                                                      43
                                                                                      The 8th customer of the day at EZ Serv wins a free oven mit.
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                                                                                        Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                        by zikzak393
                                                                                        0
                                                                                        44
                                                                                        Son of a 'Blocking' Bitch. He hates those cans.
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                                                                                          Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                          by zikzak393
                                                                                          0
                                                                                          45
                                                                                          'Opti-Grabs' are like the tie rods on a 1972 Buick.
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                                                                                            Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                            by zikzak393
                                                                                            0
                                                                                            46
                                                                                            When replacing tires, always leave the empty rims on the car for a comical get away.
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                                                                                              Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                              by zikzak393
                                                                                              0
                                                                                              47
                                                                                              The cans aren't defective!
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                                                                                                Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                by zikzak393
                                                                                                0
                                                                                                48
                                                                                                A deranged shooter will obey a Carnival Personnel Only sign.
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                                                                                                  Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                  by zikzak393
                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                  49
                                                                                                  There is a big future in Weight Guessing.
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                                                                                                    Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                    by zikzak393
                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                    50
                                                                                                    When writing home, always inquire about Grandma's farting.
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                                                                                                      Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                      by zikzak393
                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                      51
                                                                                                      Weight guessing is a profit deal and you can win some worthless crap.
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                                                                                                        Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                        by zikzak393
                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                        52
                                                                                                        The bill on an Engineer Fred's cap is enough protection of a low clearance tunnel.
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                                                                                                          Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                          by zikzak393
                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                          53
                                                                                                          Stomp once for 'No' and twice for 'Yes'.
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                                                                                                            Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                            by zikzak393
                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                            54
                                                                                                            Be careful of shady florists. They'll put Daisy stems on Roses.
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                                                                                                              Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                              by zikzak393
                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                              55
                                                                                                              An old Cup-O-Pizza sign makes a good wall decoration.
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                                                                                                                Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                by zikzak393
                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                56
                                                                                                                Pizza-in-a-Cup ran Cup-O-Pizza out of business.
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                                                                                                                  Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                  by zikzak393
                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                  57
                                                                                                                  Being a Cosmetologist is difficult to handle weightlessness.
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                                                                                                                    Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                    by zikzak393
                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                    58
                                                                                                                    Patty has a tattoo near her crotch that says slippery when wet.
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                                                                                                                      Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                      by zikzak393
                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                      59
                                                                                                                      A proper T-Shirt for a little boy either says, 'Life Sucks' or 'Bull Shit'.
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                                                                                                                        Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                        by zikzak393
                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                        60
                                                                                                                        Navin is so relaxed around Marie, he can say, ''I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit and on the slitted sheet I sit''.
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                                                                                                                          Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                          by zikzak393
                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                          61
                                                                                                                          Navin has only known Marie for 4 weeks and 3 days, but it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.
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                                                                                                                            Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                            by zikzak393
                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                            62
                                                                                                                            I'm picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in.
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                                                                                                                              Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                              by zikzak393
                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                              63
                                                                                                                              For one dollar Navin will guess your weight, your height, or your sex.
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                                                                                                                                Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                                by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                64
                                                                                                                                ''My dear family, guess what? Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh, what a great time I had. I wish the whole family could've been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I'll be able to send more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty has promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin.''
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                                                                                                                                  Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                                  by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                  65
                                                                                                                                  Marie don't care about losing all the money. It's losing all the stuff.
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                                                                                                                                    Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                                    by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                    66
                                                                                                                                    Navin is gonna bounce back and when he does, he's gonna buy Marie a diamond so big it's gonna make her puke.
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                                                                                                                                      Posted, 7th May 2015
                                                                                                                                      by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                      67
                                                                                                                                      When in the tub, Shit-Head sound just like Marie.
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                                                                                                                                        Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                        by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                        68
                                                                                                                                        Marie doesn't want to puke.
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                                                                                                                                          Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                          by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                          69
                                                                                                                                          No time to get dressed, just cover up with two strategically placed dogs.
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                                                                                                                                            Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                            by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                            70
                                                                                                                                            When you have to drag your dog down the road, it means he is faithfully leading the way.
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                                                                                                                                              Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                              by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                              71
                                                                                                                                              Marie looks just like Navin's Mom, except she's white and blonde.
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                                                                                                                                                Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                72
                                                                                                                                                Shit-Head doesn't make a very good attack dog.
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                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                  by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                  73
                                                                                                                                                  Throwing popcorn won't slow down the guy chasing you.
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                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                    by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                    74
                                                                                                                                                    'Opti-Grab' equals opti-grabbing-it.
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                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                      by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                      75
                                                                                                                                                      Finding out that 250 Big Ones is actually 250 thousand dollars will make your head spin.
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                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                        by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                        76
                                                                                                                                                        Navin is not very good at taking the Astronaut test.
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                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                          by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                          77
                                                                                                                                                          It only cost $75 to find out where Marie is.
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                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                            by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                            78
                                                                                                                                                            Navin always dreamed of owning a big house on a hill and how he used to wish for a living room with a plaster lion in it from Mexico and always wanted a large twenty four seat dining table in a dining room with original oil paintings by Michelangelo and Rembrandt and he always wanted a rotating bed with pink chiffon and zebra stripes and he used to chit chat with dad about always wanting a bathtub shaped like a clam and an office with orange and white stripes and remembered how much he wanted an all red billiard room with a giant stuffed camel and he wanted a disco room with my own disco dancers and a party room with fancy friends and wanted a big backyard with Grecian statues, s-shaped hedges and three swimming pools. Because of Opti-Grab, his dreams came true.
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                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                              by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                              79
                                                                                                                                                              The appropriate penalty for making an early withdrawal from a savings account is firing squad.
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                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                80
                                                                                                                                                                Navin doesn't need anything but an ashtray, a paddle game, a remote control, a book of matches, a lamp and a chair but not his dog. But he'll trade it all for a thermos.
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                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                  by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                  81
                                                                                                                                                                  Navin is an everyday random son-of-a-bitch, run of the mill bastard and a gas pumper.
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                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                    by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                    82
                                                                                                                                                                    Becoming cross-eyed because of the 'Opti-Grab' will net you $1.09
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                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                      by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                                      83
                                                                                                                                                                      ''The Way We Were'' always reminds Marie of the way they were.
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                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                        by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                        84
                                                                                                                                                                        Dixie makes disposable wine glasses.
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                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                          by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                                          85
                                                                                                                                                                          Having an umbrella in your drink makes you ''Somebody''.
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                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                            by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                                            86
                                                                                                                                                                            It doesn't take long for Hobart to get over the loss of Hester.
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                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                              by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                                              87
                                                                                                                                                                              Navin has an Evil ''Separated-at-Birth'' Twin named 'Pig Eye Jackson', the Infamous Cat Juggler.
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                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 12th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                                88
                                                                                                                                                                                A Mask-O Derm facial isn't complete without eye shadow and lip tint.
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                                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                  by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                                  89
                                                                                                                                                                                  A priest to perform a traditional wedding can be found at the Hollywood View apartments.
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                                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                    by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                                    90
                                                                                                                                                                                    Hobart can't mourn forever.
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                                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                      by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                                                      91
                                                                                                                                                                                      With an investment of $500,000, Navin can have X amount of dollars rolling in by the end of the year.
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                                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                        by zikzak393
                                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                                        92
                                                                                                                                                                                        Knife throwing is considered an unnecessary lesson.
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                                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                          by zikzak393
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                                                                                                                                                                                          Always have a balloon handy.
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                                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                            by zikzak393
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                                                                                                                                                                                            94
                                                                                                                                                                                            Always test your invention on prisoners.
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                                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                              by zikzak393
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                                                                                                                                                                                              Navin Johnson is a complex personality as are most of the small breed of a modern-day renaissance millionaires.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                                by zikzak393
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                                                                                                                                                                                                There are 9,987,652 plaintiffs with a $1.09 each to spend at the weight guessers booth.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 14th May 2015
                                                                                                                                                                                                  by zikzak393
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