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The Book Of Eli

The Book Of Eli
This list was started on 17th January 2010 by Anon
There are 150 learnings for this movie
This list was last updated on 30th September 2012

The Things I Learned . . .

1
Anyone who says, "I don't want any trouble" will no doubt kill everyone in the room with post-apocalyptic karate.
(1) Comments
  • 20th March 2011 by Jonny Penn
    D*mn! You said this before me! I was thinking the same exact thing.
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Posted, 18th January 2010
by PreyBeginning
16
2
Young girls born after the nuclear war have a perfect complexion, nice hair and perfectly designed tight jeans.
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    Posted, 1st February 2010
    by Zho
    16
    3
    If while reading the Bible you realize passages are missing, it's okay, Denzel just forgot the words.
    (2) Comments
    • 23rd January 2010 by PreyBeginning
      Thanks Sassy. =)
    • 18th January 2010 by Sassy
      That was great lol
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    Posted, 18th January 2010
    by PreyBeginning
    12
    4
    Rejoice when you find a dead body in the closet, a new pair of shoes is to be had.
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    • 26th March 2016 by NateSean
      Which will strangely be free of pee.
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    Posted, 24th January 2010
    by Adam
    12
    5
    Your iPod will stay charged for 31 years but after that you'll have to pay 3 wet naps and a lighter for a charger.
    (2) Comments
    • 20th March 2011 by Jonny Penn
      I didnt think they were wet naps, I think they were sauce packets
    • 20th July 2010 by rayja
      Because he totally never ever visited another town where he could charge his ipod in his 31 years of traveling
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    Posted, 17th January 2010
    by Sassy
    11
    6
    Even though water and food are hard to come by, there will still be fuel to power the thugs' motorcycles and cars.
    (1) Comments
    • 20th July 2010 by rayja
      water is irradiated, food can no longer be produced. many died in the war, so theres a lot of old gas lying around
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    Posted, 17th January 2010
    by Anon
    10
    7
    If you're going West and an evil and powerful man asks you where you're going, tell him you're going North, East, or South.
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      Posted, 24th January 2010
      by Adam
      10
      8
      You can make a movie longer if you add plenty of slow-motion scenes of the actor/actress walking all cool.
      (3) Comments
      • 21st August 2010 by Anon
        You notice this after watching this movie a second time, which is pretty cool.
      • 20th July 2010 by rayja
        the slow motion had a purpose. eli was blind, and the slow motion scenes had altered audio, representing how he interprets the world. how else do you think he kills piles of men without being able to see. super senses ho
      • 18th January 2010 by Anon
        I loved this movie. Just though I'd comment that somewhere in here. It made you think AND had good action scenes AND a good ending AND good effects and cinematography.
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      Posted, 17th January 2010
      by Anon
      9
      9
      KFC moist towelettes will be the money of the future.
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      Posted, 23rd January 2010
      by FskChap
      9
      10
      Even in a post-apocalyptic future product placement rules supreme.
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        Posted, 24th January 2010
        by Adam
        8
        11
        If you're walking on foot and being pursued by people with cars, always walk on or by the road.
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          Posted, 24th January 2010
          by Adam
          8
          12
          Elderly people have the most weapons.
          (3) Comments
          • 11th June 2012 by john2012
            Don't mess with Dumbledore regardless of what movie he is in.
          • 24th January 2010 by Anon
            It is true with the elderly I know hehe.
          • 24th January 2010 by Adam
            That's probably true even today.
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          Posted, 17th January 2010
          by Anon
          7
          13
          Girls will always have skinny jeans, no matter what.
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            Posted, 23rd January 2010
            by FskChap
            7
            14
            Telling the stranger to "stop!" after he's already killed everyone in the bar will make you a hero.
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              Posted, 24th January 2010
              by Adam
              7
              15
              From Rhode Island to San Francisco is 3300 miles. If it took you 30 years, you walked less than a mile a day (aprox. 1500 feet).
              (3) Comments
              • 23rd October 2011 by Lordlogic
                Umm he's blind! Not like he knows exactly where he's going, and he doesnt walk everyday, hes supposed to wander until he finds somewhere it belongs...
              • 16th October 2010 by Khenarthi
                Wow. This actually required math or research or something. Bravo.
              • 20th July 2010 by rayja
                muh fuckas blind. did he start in rhode island?
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              Posted, 31st January 2010
              by crtb
              7
              16
              Only one black man survived the nuclear apocalypse.
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                Posted, 2nd October 2010
                by avalanche719
                7
                17
                Cannibals take pride in showing off their graveyards.
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                  Posted, 17th January 2010
                  by Anon
                  6
                  18
                  Humans walk an average of 3 miles an hour, or 1 mile every 20 minutes. With 1 mile having 5,280 feet, this would mean that Eli only spent 5 minutes a day walking west.
                  (3) Comments
                  • 11th February 2010 by Sassy
                    Oh yeah very true!
                  • 2nd February 2010 by Sassy
                    Ugh! I was trying 2 vote up and my hand slipped, there has gotta be a way 2 correct that. Contrary 2 my vote I think this is a great learning!
                  • 2nd February 2010 by Sassy
                    That is hillarious when u think about it, that doesn't make Eli amazing at all.
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                  Posted, 2nd February 2010
                  by teakan
                  6
                  19
                  Being gut shot causes massive internal bleeding, but if you're on a mission from god, you can make it through a walk/ride/row to Alcatraz while being dehydrated, dictate the Bible from beginning to end before expiring, without being offered medical intervention by people equipped to do so.
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                    Posted, 7th February 2010
                    by Uncle Boat
                    6
                    20
                    After the bible is printed it is justly put back on the shelf for the next generation to ignore again.
                    (1) Comments
                    • 20th March 2011 by Jonny Penn
                      lol, I thought they made multiple copies until the end when he placed it on the shelf.
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                    Posted, 10th October 2010
                    by Mantaria
                    6
                    21
                    When you see a stranded woman in trouble and she tells you to go and that she doesn't want you to help her, you should go immediately.
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                      Posted, 17th January 2010
                      by Sassy
                      5
                      22
                      If a man tells you "if you lay your hand on me, you won't get your hand back," DON'T TOUCH HIM!
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                        Posted, 18th January 2010
                        by PreyBeginning
                        5
                        23
                        Even if you haven't brushed them in like 30 years, your teeth will still be pretty white...maybe that's the secret!
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                          Posted, 19th January 2010
                          by Sassy
                          5
                          24
                          Old ladies know what the f--- they are going to do.
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                            Posted, 23rd January 2010
                            by FskChap
                            5
                            25
                            You can still be overweight when there is a shortage of food and water.
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                              Posted, 31st January 2010
                              by crtb
                              5
                              26
                              Although a book written in Braille is approximately 10 times longer than a standard book, Eli's Bible is only a few hundred pages long.
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                                Posted, 1st February 2010
                                by Zho
                                5
                                27
                                After 30 years of misery, Gary Oldman still thinks he can have other villages built only with a Bible and doesn't consider manipulating his crowds by inventing some rubbish cult-babble.
                                (1) Comments
                                • 30th October 2010 by Eibhlinn Savage
                                  He knows the Bible enough to consider using it, but cannot remember the general gist of it to rewrite it. It only works with the exact original words anyway.
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                                Posted, 1st February 2010
                                by Zho
                                5
                                28
                                Never trust the woman who just got robbed on the side of the road.
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                                  Posted, 17th January 2010
                                  by Anon
                                  4
                                  29
                                  When Eli says he left his glasses at the spring do not bother to go back, he is a liar.
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                                    Posted, 17th January 2010
                                    by Sassy
                                    4
                                    30
                                    A blind man can escape a guarded room without explanation, but if you let him escape, you get shot in the face. It's in the rules of guarding doors.
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                                      Posted, 18th January 2010
                                      by PreyBeginning
                                      4
                                      31
                                      The Bible teaches you never to go out of your way to help an innocent person in need, unless of course that innocent person is Mila Kunis.
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                                        Posted, 24th January 2010
                                        by Adam
                                        4
                                        32
                                        Villains of the future have no use for Oprah magazine.
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                                          Posted, 24th January 2010
                                          by Adam
                                          4
                                          33
                                          If the trailer shows Mila Kunis asking Eli to "teach me" and then shows her throwing a grenade a moment later, assume she's asking to learn how to read, not fight.
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                                            Posted, 24th January 2010
                                            by Adam
                                            4
                                            34
                                            Anita Ward survived the Apocalypse by releasing records in the late 1970's that can be played on a record player made in the early 20th century.
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                                              Posted, 1st February 2010
                                              by Zho
                                              4
                                              35
                                              It's not Parkinson's Disease...
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                                                Posted, 5th February 2010
                                                by Anon
                                                4
                                                36
                                                Dumbledore had a headache.
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                                                  Posted, 9th February 2010
                                                  by ChocolateSauce
                                                  4
                                                  37
                                                  Eli didn't have sex with Solara because he couldn't see her: it was the only plausible explanation available.
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                                                    Posted, 3rd March 2010
                                                    by SiriusBart
                                                    4
                                                    38
                                                    Even though the recovery of the entire world is depending on it, God will still make his Messiahs walk for 31 years in stead of offering him a car.
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                                                      Posted, 3rd March 2010
                                                      by SiriusBart
                                                      4
                                                      39
                                                      Old people get pissed when you ignore their yard signs.
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                                                        Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                        by avalanche719
                                                        4
                                                        40
                                                        It seems counterproductive to have a "No Trespassing" sign when people "trespassing" are your main food source.
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                                                          Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                          by avalanche719
                                                          4
                                                          41
                                                          If you eat human flesh for awhile your hands shake, somehow letting everyone know you are a cannibal.
                                                          (2) Comments
                                                          • 21st August 2010 by Anon
                                                            Nice bit of information there.
                                                          • 13th August 2010 by Chyrux
                                                            Cannibals can easily contract a disease known as Prion, which damages the nervous system, causing tremors.
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                                                          Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                          by Anon
                                                          3
                                                          42
                                                          Human corpses now make good bait for hunting.
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                                                            Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                            by Anon
                                                            3
                                                            43
                                                            In order to write down what Eli has to say you're gonna need a LOT of paper...
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                                                              Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                              by Sassy
                                                              3
                                                              44
                                                              Go west, it'll be all worth it.
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                                                                Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                by Sassy
                                                                3
                                                                45
                                                                Borderlands finally got the realistic graphics it promised... and Denzel Washington.
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                                                                  Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                  by Rider
                                                                  3
                                                                  46
                                                                  A blade can effectively parry a chainsaw.
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                                                                    Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                    by Adam
                                                                    3
                                                                    47
                                                                    Never kill the leader first, always make every effort to kill the mindless thugs who might otherwise flee without their ringmaster.
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                                                                      Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                      by Adam
                                                                      3
                                                                      48
                                                                      People who love violence are attracted to The Bible.
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                                                                        Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                        by Adam
                                                                        3
                                                                        49
                                                                        Eli once worked at Kmart.
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                                                                          Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                          by Adam
                                                                          3
                                                                          50
                                                                          If you're living in a world where it's in your best interest to keep your Bible concealed, don't bother changing the incredibly obvious and descriptive binding on it.
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                                                                            Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                            by Adam
                                                                            3
                                                                            51
                                                                            KFC wet naps are good for taking a bath!
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                                                                              Posted, 25th January 2010
                                                                              by lawrencev35
                                                                              3
                                                                              52
                                                                              World without soap = Smelly hijackers!
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                                                                                Posted, 14th February 2010
                                                                                by D Man
                                                                                3
                                                                                53
                                                                                Even though the post-apocolyptic sun will blind you, it will do nothing to whatever skin you have exposed.
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                                                                                  Posted, 20th February 2010
                                                                                  by wolfgirl92
                                                                                  3
                                                                                  54
                                                                                  When the world ends, what's left of it will be a mouse-eat-cat kind of world.
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                                                                                    Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                    by Anon
                                                                                    2
                                                                                    55
                                                                                    Shampoo = The newest perfume
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                                                                                      Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                      by Anon
                                                                                      2
                                                                                      56
                                                                                      One person's meal is another's pet.
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                                                                                        Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                        by Anon
                                                                                        2
                                                                                        57
                                                                                        Cannibals are very fond of their cats.
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                                                                                          Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                          by Sassy
                                                                                          2
                                                                                          58
                                                                                          Cat oil works just as well as chapstick.
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                                                                                            Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                            by Sassy
                                                                                            2
                                                                                            59
                                                                                            Always shower before you try to hijack someone.
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                                                                                              Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                                              by Adam
                                                                                              2
                                                                                              60
                                                                                              Always give up the location of your only point of leverage without any conditions whatsoever. That's the best way to negotiate.
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                                                                                                Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                                                by Adam
                                                                                                2
                                                                                                61
                                                                                                A Zippo lighter and three KFC moist towelettes will get your battery charged.
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                                                                                                  Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                                                  by FskChap
                                                                                                  2
                                                                                                  62
                                                                                                  Contrary to popular belief, SPAM does not survive 1000 years.
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                                                                                                    Posted, 26th January 2010
                                                                                                    by journeyman
                                                                                                    2
                                                                                                    63
                                                                                                    Taking cover behind a old wooden house's wall will protect you during a hail of machinegun fire.
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                                                                                                      Posted, 27th January 2010
                                                                                                      by journeyman
                                                                                                      2
                                                                                                      64
                                                                                                      Only humans have to wear sun glasses. Animals: cat's, dog's, and birds eyes are not affected by the sun's rays.
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                                                                                                        Posted, 31st January 2010
                                                                                                        by crtb
                                                                                                        2
                                                                                                        65
                                                                                                        If you meant anything to Eli's journey to protect the Bible, then just like Eli, you would have a pair of sunglasses from a prestigious luxery brand in mint condition... If you didn't have sunglasses, then unfortunately for you, you would have a ridiculous pair of goggles and would be meaningless, with your life most likely ending in death by way of sharp blade, pistol, shotgun, or the precision shooting bow & arrow.
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                                                                                                          Posted, 14th February 2010
                                                                                                          by D Man
                                                                                                          2
                                                                                                          66
                                                                                                          Cheddar Bob may not shoot himself in the post-apocalyptic world, but he questions the wrong guy to stand up for his pet, and for that, he is just as much of a fool in "The Book of Eli" as he was in "8 Mile"...
                                                                                                          (1) Comments
                                                                                                          • 15th February 2010 by Adam
                                                                                                            Haha, Cheddar Bob...
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                                                                                                          Posted, 14th February 2010
                                                                                                          by D Man
                                                                                                          2
                                                                                                          67
                                                                                                          Unopened moist towelettes stay moist after 30+ years.
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                                                                                                            Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                            by avalanche719
                                                                                                            2
                                                                                                            68
                                                                                                            A nuclear war will kill all animals except cats.
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                                                                                                            Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                            by avalanche719
                                                                                                            2
                                                                                                            69
                                                                                                            When faced with prostitutes, the average guy's biggest fear is how much their services might cost him, not whether they might have any diseases. This despite the fact that medical care has been virtually extinct for the past 30 years.
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                                                                                                              Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                              by avalanche719
                                                                                                              2
                                                                                                              70
                                                                                                              If you're worried about the annoying, clingy girl's safety, it's best to lock her up in a cave where she will starve to death. At least it has a natural water reservoir, so she won't have to die thirsty.
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                                                                                                                Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                by avalanche719
                                                                                                                2
                                                                                                                71
                                                                                                                Just once I would like Eli to look at Solara and Say "SHUT UP MEG!!!"
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                                                                                                                  Posted, 10th June 2012
                                                                                                                  by john2012
                                                                                                                  2
                                                                                                                  72
                                                                                                                  You can survive awhile if you are shot in the stomach.
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                                                                                                                    Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                                                    by Anon
                                                                                                                    1
                                                                                                                    73
                                                                                                                    Somehow you can fit a pretty good-sized bow into a normal-sized backpack.
                                                                                                                    (2) Comments
                                                                                                                    • 21st August 2010 by Anon
                                                                                                                      It didn't look collapsible to me.
                                                                                                                    • 20th July 2010 by rayja
                                                                                                                      there are such things as collapsible bows
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                                                                                                                    Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                                                    by Anon
                                                                                                                    1
                                                                                                                    74
                                                                                                                    It is not just a BOOK!!!
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                                                                                                                      Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                                                      by Sassy
                                                                                                                      1
                                                                                                                      75
                                                                                                                      All blind men are good with weaponry.
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                                                                                                                        Posted, 23rd January 2010
                                                                                                                        by mannerino
                                                                                                                        1
                                                                                                                        76
                                                                                                                        Fallout 3 no longer requires a video game.
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                                                                                                                          Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                                                                          by Adam
                                                                                                                          1
                                                                                                                          77
                                                                                                                          If you're a girl who unsuccessfully tried to trick a guy into his certain death, he's probably not going to take you along with him.
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                                                                                                                            Posted, 24th January 2010
                                                                                                                            by Adam
                                                                                                                            1
                                                                                                                            78
                                                                                                                            When we rip a hole in the ozone and the sun burns everything.. eventually one day it will stop..and the sun will still shine.
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                                                                                                                              Posted, 25th January 2010
                                                                                                                              by lawrencev35
                                                                                                                              1
                                                                                                                              79
                                                                                                                              Elderly people will offer you tea and play the "Ring My Bell" song before trying to feed you sandwiches.
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                                                                                                                                Posted, 1st February 2010
                                                                                                                                by bigsexy707
                                                                                                                                1
                                                                                                                                80
                                                                                                                                Wetnaps are the currency of the future.
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                                                                                                                                  Posted, 7th February 2010
                                                                                                                                  by Uncle Boat
                                                                                                                                  1
                                                                                                                                  81
                                                                                                                                  The Carnegie library will survive the apocalypse, but not like we'll expect.
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                                                                                                                                    Posted, 7th February 2010
                                                                                                                                    by Uncle Boat
                                                                                                                                    1
                                                                                                                                    82
                                                                                                                                    Only the Bible can bring good to the world, even though the Qu'ran and the Thora were never gone. Go Christians!
                                                                                                                                    (2) Comments
                                                                                                                                    • 22nd April 2011 by Supertedred
                                                                                                                                      But the film states that all the bibles were deliberately destroyed after the "war"
                                                                                                                                    • 30th October 2010 by Eibhlinn Savage
                                                                                                                                      Complete misunderstanding of the end of the film. At the end the twist is that it's not actually Christianity Eli was trying to save, but a piece of civilisation. We are to imagine that other people did their part by saving the Torah and Quran and Shakespeare and Byron and Dickens and so on, just like Eli did with the Bible. However, what I do find funny is that in the US where Bibles are in virtually every home and every hotel bedroom, there is apparently more chances to find a Quran and a Torah than a King James Bible...
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                                                                                                                                    Posted, 3rd March 2010
                                                                                                                                    by SiriusBart
                                                                                                                                    1
                                                                                                                                    83
                                                                                                                                    At least he didn't have to skin the hairless cat!
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                                                                                                                                      Posted, 21st June 2010
                                                                                                                                      by TiffYG2133
                                                                                                                                      1
                                                                                                                                      84
                                                                                                                                      Some grenades will just throw a man back while others will destroy an ice cream truck.
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                                                                                                                                        Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                        by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                        1
                                                                                                                                        85
                                                                                                                                        Don't leave machetes on the dashboard.
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                                                                                                                                          Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                          by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                          1
                                                                                                                                          86
                                                                                                                                          While three KFC wetnaps and a zippo will get your battery charge, it'll cost you an afghan and a pair of leather gloves to get your canteen filled.
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                                                                                                                                            Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                            by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                            1
                                                                                                                                            87
                                                                                                                                            A shopowner will happily do business with you after you disarm him, point the weapon at him, and give it back.
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                                                                                                                                              Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                              by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                              1
                                                                                                                                              88
                                                                                                                                              Old guys get a little cocky when you ask if they have any weapons.
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                                                                                                                                                Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                1
                                                                                                                                                89
                                                                                                                                                A convoy of vehicles must certainly equal a band of armed degenerates, there's no way it could possibly be the mailman or Schwanns guy.
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                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                  by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                  1
                                                                                                                                                  90
                                                                                                                                                  After your fellow raider has been shot in the dick with an arrow, just stand up and look around like an idiot. Danger is probably gone right?
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                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                    by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                    1
                                                                                                                                                    91
                                                                                                                                                    In preparation to recite the whole Bible, you're going to want a clean shave, a hair cut, and a fresh set of clothes.
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                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                      by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                      1
                                                                                                                                                      92
                                                                                                                                                      I'd probably eat my wife if she considered "Ring My Bell" good music.
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                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                        by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                        1
                                                                                                                                                        93
                                                                                                                                                        K-Mart must teach it's employees some bad-ass survival skills.
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                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                          by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                          1
                                                                                                                                                          94
                                                                                                                                                          Abandoned nuclear reactors are a comfortable place to stay for the night.
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                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                            by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                            1
                                                                                                                                                            95
                                                                                                                                                            Apparently going back to a town of rapists, criminals, and idiots is better than staying alive in the best and safest place you've ever seen in your entire life.
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                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                              by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                              1
                                                                                                                                                              96
                                                                                                                                                              When trying to get into an unlocked house, stand off to the side of the immediate entrance.
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                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                1
                                                                                                                                                                97
                                                                                                                                                                If you're going to commit suicide over the bleak state the world is in, it's best to kill yourself tucked away in the closet. That way you won't immediately upset any looter who comes to trash your house after you're dead.
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                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                  by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                  1
                                                                                                                                                                  98
                                                                                                                                                                  In the US where every hotel room has a Bible on the nightstand, where almost every home has a copy of it, where they sell copies in every bookshop and have copies in every church, prayer group and library, you will easily save a Quran and a Torah, but you'll have to wait 31 years before some guy stumbles on a Braille Bible and manages to learn it by heart.
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                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 30th October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                    by Eibhlinn Savage
                                                                                                                                                                    1
                                                                                                                                                                    99
                                                                                                                                                                    The Bible brought back after a struggle of 3 decades will be stored in a library located in an island where nobody is allowed in. That will certainly make full use of the book.
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                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 15th December 2010
                                                                                                                                                                      by virendra
                                                                                                                                                                      1
                                                                                                                                                                      100
                                                                                                                                                                      Don't be like Eli and forget your Pip-Boy 3000, which lead to his demise due to his inability to look at his effects tab and apply stimpack to crippled torso, thus would have saved his life, and he would have been able to gain that xp and karma for completing that task... Now about his carry weight... I know! He took Strong Back!
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                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 24th October 2011
                                                                                                                                                                        by Lordlogic
                                                                                                                                                                        1
                                                                                                                                                                        101
                                                                                                                                                                        I guess if God can feed 5000 with a few fish and some bread he can multiply the bullets in Eli's pistol. He must have fired 25 shots in town without reloading.
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                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 11th June 2012
                                                                                                                                                                          by john2012
                                                                                                                                                                          1
                                                                                                                                                                          102
                                                                                                                                                                          When Eli says the road is no place for you, listen he's right.
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                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                                                                                                                            by Sassy
                                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                                            103
                                                                                                                                                                            He forced me to do it.
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                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 23rd January 2010
                                                                                                                                                                              by FskChap
                                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                                              104
                                                                                                                                                                              In a post-apocalyptic world at least you can still eat pussy.
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                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 17th August 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                by Fitz
                                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                                105
                                                                                                                                                                                Be sure to prioritize burning all the bibles over trying to meet basic survival needs.
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                                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 17th August 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                  by Fitz
                                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                                  106
                                                                                                                                                                                  even though you are blind you walk in the heat of the day,because?
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                                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 6th September 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                    by aj
                                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                                    107
                                                                                                                                                                                    Save your swimming goggles for the nuclear apocalypse.
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                                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                      by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                                                      108
                                                                                                                                                                                      Blind men don't care that you're showing some boobage.
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                                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                        by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                                        109
                                                                                                                                                                                        Despite having tons of modern and fully automatic weapons, some people will still answer the door with a shotgun.
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                                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                          by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                                                          110
                                                                                                                                                                                          Nobody else in town tried to search for the water source, they all just accepted their fate and paid for it.
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                                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                            by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                                                            111
                                                                                                                                                                                            An afghan is only worth half a canteen.
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                                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                              by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                                                              112
                                                                                                                                                                                              If you're taking cover, make sure you're not in a place where one of your dumbass goons might run by.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                                                113
                                                                                                                                                                                                In order to fire a gatling gun, you must make several grunts.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                  by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                                                  114
                                                                                                                                                                                                  After your companion is deceased, take all his clothing and gear and start your own journey.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                    by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                                                    115
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Some settlements are armed with crappy rifles, shotguns, and sparse assault rifles while at others all guards are armed with M4 Carbines. Makes me think of Megaton vs Rivet City.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                      by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                                                                      116
                                                                                                                                                                                                      After visiting the graveyard, people think you'll want some sandwiches.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                        by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                                                        117
                                                                                                                                                                                                        Dead bodies are good for the soil even though any hope of plant life has been eradicated by nuclear apocalypse.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                          by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                                                                          118
                                                                                                                                                                                                          It would really suck to play chess blind or with a blind person.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                            by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                                                                            119
                                                                                                                                                                                                            Solara doesn't remember how to end a prayer despite hearing it hours before.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                              by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                                                                              120
                                                                                                                                                                                                              Getting your hand chopped off will make you say crazy things like "kiss him" when you really mean "kill him".
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                121
                                                                                                                                                                                                                Malcolm McDowell's hand must be tired!
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  122
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Walking by faith and not by sight means you know something even if you don't know something.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    123
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When a guy has killed tons of your men and kept you chasing him, you'll just shoot him in the stomach. Not going for a 100% killshot or anything.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      124
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      While everything else is dirty and grimy, hotel shampoo remains in prestine condition.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        125
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Nuclear war will destroy whole cities and civilizations yet only put a gap in the golden gate bridge.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          126
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          F*ck the good china, there's armed degenerates we can eat.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            127
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            If worse comes to worst, you can patch yourself up with some KFC wipes and duct tape.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              128
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Always keep your nametag from your place of employment, its great memorabilia.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                129
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                You can survive a fallout from a nuclear blast but getting shot in the leg is going to cost ya.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  130
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Another band of raiders picked up the lady with the broken shopping cart and moved her a few miles west of where she previously was.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    131
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Pay attention to the road in front of you when traveling on bridges, that way you won't have to slam the brakes so hard.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      132
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Even armored station wagons still aren't bad ass.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        133
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Apparently the best currency is chapstick or "toys."
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          134
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Nobody knows how to read after a nuclear apocalypse. They don't know what a TV is either.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            135
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Clouds move extremely fast after a nuclear apocalypse.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              136
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Saying 'Grace' over food is so moving, it convinces you to abandon your home and your blind mother to tag along with a dangerous man you just met.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                137
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Working for the bad guy pays off until Eli shows up. Free food, drinks, and women, what's not to like?
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  138

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    139
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Bombs are conveniently the same size and shape as a book when you need it.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      140
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      When discovering a bomb just drop it instead of throwing it back where it came from.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        141
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        When all else fails, break out the RPG and gatling gun.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 2nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          by avalanche719
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          142
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Funny... If the world had listened to the bible's teachings in the first place there would never have been a war!
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 10th October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            by Mantaria
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            143
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            A single grenade has the ability to flip and destroy a heavily armored vehicle.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 10th October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              by Mantaria
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              144
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Ocean going tankers are destroyed in the blast but you can always find a rowboat in great condition when you need one.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 10th October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                by Mantaria
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                145
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Mila Kunis ruins every movie she's in.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 22nd October 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  by CasablancaDon
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  146
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  God had to intervene to help Eli because he was afraid humanity might not find a Buybull to help future idiots justify another apocalypse.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 27th November 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    by Thalidomide Squid
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    147
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    There will be two sequels telling us how the Quran and the Torah were brought back by the man with no legs and the man with no hands respectively.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 15th December 2010
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      by virendra
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      148
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      The only way to spot a cannibal is to check their hands to see if they shake.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 5th February 2011
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        by AJwest
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        149
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        There was only 1 song on the iPod on repeat: California Girl by Katy Perry.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 30th August 2012
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          by pikasneeze
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          150
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Doesn't Redridge know not to threaten the guy who just killed 8 people in your bar and tell him it is not a choice? There is always a choice.
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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 30th September 2012
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            by john2012
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            0

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