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Armageddon

Armageddon
This list was started on 17th January 2010 by lazy
There are 95 learnings for this movie
This list was last updated on 1st October 2013

The Things I Learned . . .

1
American taxes are so bad, people will do almost anything to not have to pay them.
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    Posted, 17th January 2010
    by nvidia2010
    9
    2
    BP should hire Bruce Willis to drill in the gulf.
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      Posted, 6th June 2010
      by thugz4real
      9
      3
      Greenpeace protests drilling for oil from the deck of a boat that burns fossil fuel to operate.
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      • 19th January 2010 by NateSean
        Technically not fair since Michael Bay all ready made this comment vicariously through Bruce Willis, but hey, a learning's a learning.
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      Posted, 19th January 2010
      by NateSean
      5
      4
      If your Dad was the bravest man on earth, everyone will wanna shake your hand.
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        Posted, 18th March 2010
        by tenshi
        5
        5
        Somehow a small meteor wiped out the big fat Chinese guy, but the stupid little dog survived.
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          Posted, 6th June 2010
          by thugz4real
          4
          6
          Wait a minute! The black guy lives?
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          • 27th July 2014 by smartguy360
            I was so surprised at that one
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          Posted, 6th June 2010
          by thugz4real
          4
          7
          Do not repeatedly say the word 'anomaly' to the president of the United States. It makes him mad.
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            Posted, 22nd August 2010
            by ReFex
            3
            8
            Meteorites will only hit major cities.
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            Posted, 17th July 2013
            by Faar
            3
            9
            NASA doubles up on everything. Which means that there is actually a secret 2nd International Space Station up there.
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            • 6th June 2010 by thugz4real
              there could be 2 Buzz Aldrins, or 2 giant leaps for mankind, or 2...well u get the idea.
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            Posted, 17th January 2010
            by nvidia2010
            2
            10
            Chances are, Mr. Pink will be the first to crack while on a perilous space mission.
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            • 30th June 2010 by nikkeho
              HAHAHAHA. Good allusion :)
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            Posted, 22nd January 2010
            by JumpinJack
            2
            11
            An animal cracker doesn't really qualify as a cracker, firstly because it is sweet and secondly because you can't put cheese on it, and that is sort of a defining characteristic of a cracker.
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              Posted, 18th March 2010
              by tenshi
              2
              12
              It's not a good sign if the clock on the nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking.
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                Posted, 18th March 2010
                by tenshi
                2
                13
                NASA just has to have a room full of people just sitting there thinking shit up! They have too!!!
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                  Posted, 6th June 2010
                  by thugz4real
                  2
                  14
                  Bullets can shoot through a spaceship..
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                    Posted, 8th August 2010
                    by jacobdfl
                    2
                    15
                    The hull of a NASA spaceship can survive a crash at 11000 miles per hour, but you can quite easily shoot through it with a minigun
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                      Posted, 22nd August 2010
                      by ReFex
                      2
                      16
                      Inspite being a civilian operation the military can take control of NASA functions without any resistance.
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                      • 16th July 2013 by Faar
                        Moreover, they even know how to operate the presumably super-advanced NASA software!
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                      Posted, 19th January 2010
                      by NateSean
                      1
                      17
                      American components, Russian components - it doesn't matter, they're all made in Taiwan!
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                        Posted, 22nd January 2010
                        by JumpinJack
                        1
                        18
                        When Billy Bob Thornton tells the President it's a guaranteed fail that will kill everybody on the planet if he chooses to remote detonate, he'll pick that option instead of the one that has a chance at saving the world.
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                          Posted, 22nd January 2010
                          by JumpinJack
                          1
                          19
                          The fate of hte planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards i woudn't trust with a patatogun
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                            Posted, 18th March 2010
                            by tenshi
                            1
                            20
                            Having front row tickets to the end of the world is not as awesome as it might sound.
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                              Posted, 18th March 2010
                              by tenshi
                              1
                              21
                              If your father sacrifices himself to save the planet although he promised he was returning home, you'll be over it 10 minutes later once your boyfriend shows up and everyone wants to shake your hand.
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                                Posted, 10th May 2010
                                by KungFuMasterLarry
                                1
                                22
                                Apparently oil drillers can't differentiate between five words and six words.
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                                  Posted, 6th June 2010
                                  by KungFuMasterLarry
                                  1
                                  23
                                  Doesn't really hurt to ask people at NASA if they knew who killed JFK.
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                                    Posted, 6th June 2010
                                    by thugz4real
                                    1
                                    24
                                    Space shuttle explosion + Fire = Oxygen in outer space. Wait a minute... I thought fire can ONLY exist in the presence of oxygen?
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                                      Posted, 9th July 2010
                                      by FERIS
                                      1
                                      25
                                      When your dog is in danger, simply look to the sky and yell 'Somebody dial 911!!!!'
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                                        Posted, 22nd August 2010
                                        by ReFex
                                        1
                                        26
                                        It's safe to assume Saddam Hussein is bombing you in the event of multiple explosions.
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                                          Posted, 22nd August 2010
                                          by ReFex
                                          1
                                          27
                                          Messengers from the military have no sense of humour whatsoever. Due to the fact they have flown in on a helicopter with half a dozen soldiers, its pretty safe to assume its not a prank
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                                            Posted, 22nd August 2010
                                            by ReFex
                                            1
                                            28
                                            Indian folks pray in front of Taj Mahal.
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                                              Posted, 25th March 2012
                                              by qwkslvr
                                              1
                                              29
                                              Even though the only way to avoid armageddon was to blow up the asteroid SPECIFICALLY from inside, there's still a secondary protocol to remote detonate the nuke from the surface. If that would have helped, it probably would have been the primary objective, wouldn't it?
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                                                Posted, 12th July 2013
                                                by Faar
                                                1
                                                30
                                                US Presidents will hire scientific advisers with a C Minus in Astrophysics.
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                                                  Posted, 29th September 2013
                                                  by nee
                                                  1
                                                  31
                                                  800 feet is enough to reach the fault-line of an asteroid that's the size of Texas.
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                                                    Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                    by nee
                                                    1
                                                    32
                                                    An astronaut can totally have his civilian girlfriend accompany him on training, up to mere minutes before he launches. Totally no safety or health hazards.
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                                                      Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                      by nee
                                                      1
                                                      33
                                                      A nuclear device smaller than a motorcycle has enough power to split an asteroid 96.7 billion tons in mass into coherent halfs.
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                                                        Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                        by nee
                                                        1
                                                        34
                                                        It's much more practical to immediately start drilling into compressed iron ferrite than going about 20 miles to the original landing zone that features a much softer surface.
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                                                          Posted, 1st October 2013
                                                          by nee
                                                          1
                                                          35
                                                          Just because we will let mundayne messy-looking miners into outer space doesn't mean the protagonist won't fall for anything less than a former fashion model, who was by the way accidentally the only young female in a radius of what...100,000 meters?
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                                                            Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                            by lazy
                                                            0
                                                            36
                                                            In order for you to be lucky enough to have your miner dad and boyfriend become planetary heroes up in outer space, all you have to do is to "be a babe" and discover your body...sound karmalogical enough?
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                                                              Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                              by lazy
                                                              0
                                                              37
                                                              When facing an unknown, unidentified humongous flying object in space near the earth, always check if it's Santa.
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                                                                Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                by lazy
                                                                0
                                                                38
                                                                Oh yeah, a bunch of drillers out in a mission to save the planet from a huge asteroid - we totally will have the time to train them before Kansas goes bye bye.
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                                                                  Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                  by lazy
                                                                  0
                                                                  39
                                                                  NASA has the keys to the US patent office. So beware.
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                                                                    Posted, 17th January 2010
                                                                    by nvidia2010
                                                                    0
                                                                    40
                                                                    When trying to escape the cargo hold of the most advanced space shuttle the human race has ever built, just start shooting your big machine gun at the wall. Really, what's the worst that can happen?
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                                                                      Posted, 22nd January 2010
                                                                      by JumpinJack
                                                                      0
                                                                      41
                                                                      Cosmonauts are overly preoccupied with the chance to become true Russian heroes.
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                                                                        Posted, 22nd January 2010
                                                                        by JumpinJack
                                                                        0
                                                                        42
                                                                        Dottie is a vicious life-sucking (BEEP) from which there is no return.
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                                                                          Posted, 16th March 2010
                                                                          by Kikkomannrice
                                                                          0
                                                                          43
                                                                          What are you doing with a gun in space?
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                                                                            Posted, 18th March 2010
                                                                            by tenshi
                                                                            0
                                                                            44
                                                                            If someone tells you to "touch nothing" go ahead and do the exact opposite.
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                                                                              Posted, 18th March 2010
                                                                              by tenshi
                                                                              0
                                                                              45
                                                                              Immaturity is a handicap.
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                                                                                Posted, 18th March 2010
                                                                                by tenshi
                                                                                0
                                                                                46
                                                                                If there is only one guy on the boat in your age bracket, it's not called a choice, it's called a lack of options.
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                                                                                  Posted, 18th March 2010
                                                                                  by tenshi
                                                                                  0
                                                                                  47
                                                                                  Who the hell is gonna say no if the United States Government asks you to save the world?
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                                                                                    Posted, 18th March 2010
                                                                                    by tenshi
                                                                                    0
                                                                                    48
                                                                                    If you have to die, it's much better to die while saving the world, wouldn't you agree?
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                                                                                      Posted, 18th March 2010
                                                                                      by tenshi
                                                                                      0
                                                                                      49
                                                                                      Sitting on four million punds of fuel, a nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270, 000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder is sure to make you feel good.
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                                                                                        Posted, 18th March 2010
                                                                                        by tenshi
                                                                                        0
                                                                                        50
                                                                                        If you're about to save the world by going on a really hazardous mission, i don't think it's too materialistic to ask if you're getting hazard pay.
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                                                                                          Posted, 18th March 2010
                                                                                          by tenshi
                                                                                          0
                                                                                          51
                                                                                          In low-gravity scenarios, if you get kicked in the balls, you'll keep going straight up. Not that there'll be any training exercises in such a thing.
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                                                                                            Posted, 6th June 2010
                                                                                            by KungFuMasterLarry
                                                                                            0
                                                                                            52
                                                                                            The smartest man in the world will naturally do a piss poor job of putting together a drilling vehicle.
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                                                                                              Posted, 22nd August 2010
                                                                                              by ReFex
                                                                                              0
                                                                                              53
                                                                                              Always ask a girl's age before examining her ring.
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                                                                                                Posted, 22nd August 2010
                                                                                                by ReFex
                                                                                                0
                                                                                                54
                                                                                                Haggis will put hair on your ass.
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                                                                                                  Posted, 22nd August 2010
                                                                                                  by ReFex
                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                  55
                                                                                                  When you ask your girlfriend to marry you, do not wait for her response. Just shove the ring on her finger before she gets a chance to respond. Much easier
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                                                                                                    Posted, 22nd August 2010
                                                                                                    by ReFex
                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                    56
                                                                                                    Bruce Willis is hard enough to completely override NASA on matters of global security
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                                                                                                      Posted, 22nd August 2010
                                                                                                      by ReFex
                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                      57
                                                                                                      You can learn about the "birds and bees" from a riggers tattoos.
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                                                                                                        Posted, 21st September 2010
                                                                                                        by Bacupboy
                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                        58
                                                                                                        Michael Bay still has no substance
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                                                                                                          Posted, 26th September 2010
                                                                                                          by AKenjiB
                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                          59
                                                                                                          If you blow up a huge meteor with a nuclear bomb, you'd just end up with a string of meteors hitting the earth but now they'd be highly radioactive.
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                                                                                                            Posted, 27th November 2010
                                                                                                            by Thalidomide Squid
                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                            60
                                                                                                            Dude (E reporter) at the premiere on E News said, and I quote "Some people liked it and some people didn't like the fact that Bruce Willis dies to save the world". And to this day I still want to kill him.. That is all.
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                                                                                                              Posted, 10th April 2012
                                                                                                              by Sfc
                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                              61
                                                                                                              Apparently, from any random point on the asteroid you can drill exactly 800 feet deep to the fault-line.
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                                                                                                                Posted, 16th July 2013
                                                                                                                by Faar
                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                62
                                                                                                                When a nuke detonates inside an asteroid that rotates on multiple axes, it will still nicely split the asteroid vertically in half, so the two halves will safely pass the Earth.
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                                                                                                                  Posted, 16th July 2013
                                                                                                                  by Faar
                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                  63
                                                                                                                  It is always better for a space-ship to dock at a space-station that is already rotating, instead of first docking and THEN start the rotating.
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                                                                                                                    Posted, 16th July 2013
                                                                                                                    by Faar
                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                    64
                                                                                                                    The crew of an oil-rig will immediately leave when the boss is away. Moreover, they're able to shut-down operations, travel home to resume their lives within 24 hours. Heck, one of them will even start his own company!
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                                                                                                                      Posted, 16th July 2013
                                                                                                                      by Faar
                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                      65
                                                                                                                      Six billion people on the planet, and they choose a roughneck oil driller that laughs at terse generals to save them all.
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                                                                                                                        Posted, 29th September 2013
                                                                                                                        by nee
                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                        66
                                                                                                                        Crazy Willie put Bruce Willis up to that.
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                                                                                                                          Posted, 29th September 2013
                                                                                                                          by nee
                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                          67
                                                                                                                          Colonel Tavington survived the American Revolution and becomes the smartest man on the planet.
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                                                                                                                          • 27th July 2014 by smartguy360
                                                                                                                            apparently mel gibson's son's were not better men
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                                                                                                                          Posted, 29th September 2013
                                                                                                                          by nee
                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                          68
                                                                                                                          According to Colonel Tavington, patents don't apply to outer space.
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                                                                                                                            Posted, 29th September 2013
                                                                                                                            by nee
                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                            69
                                                                                                                            NASA can build rockets, send men to the moon, and even steal complex oil drilling rig designs from the Patent Office, yet cannot read the plans right. They also didn't just do a bad job of putting it together; they did a pisspoor job.
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                                                                                                                              Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                              by nee
                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                              70
                                                                                                                              Astronauts that have been training on a stole drill design for eight months solid are a poor alternative compared to roughneck oil drillers that have 12 days to learn to survive in space.
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                                                                                                                                Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                by nee
                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                71
                                                                                                                                NASA can pull off Road Runner Thrust Moves, because they have better Acme rockets than the Coyotoe.
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                                                                                                                                  Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                  by nee
                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                  72
                                                                                                                                  Rockhound got his name because he's horny.
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                                                                                                                                    Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                    by nee
                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                    73
                                                                                                                                    Grace had a much older man buy her Tampax and shown her how to use them...
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                                                                                                                                    Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                    by nee
                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                    74
                                                                                                                                    Big Ross is the guy you need to wake up eleven thousand people via telephone.
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                                                                                                                                      Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                      by nee
                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                      75
                                                                                                                                      The real reason the FBI did a countrywide search for a bunch of wild oil rig workers, is because they found oil on Uranus.
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                                                                                                                                        Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                        by nee
                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                        76
                                                                                                                                        NASA's nurse ladies are there to drill.
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                                                                                                                                          Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                          by nee
                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                          77
                                                                                                                                          It takes quite a lot to have your bad cholesterol become shockingly bad.
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                                                                                                                                            Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                            by nee
                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                            78
                                                                                                                                            The White House is such a big deal that you'd save the world, and survive doing so, just to spend the summer in one of its bedroom.
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                                                                                                                                              Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                              by nee
                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                              79
                                                                                                                                              A man that won the Westinghouse prize at age 12, published at 19, earned a double doctorate at MIT at 22, taught at Princeton for 2.5 years, would prefer to work at an oil rig because the money is good, the scenery changes, and he gets to use explosives.
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                                                                                                                                                Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                by nee
                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                80
                                                                                                                                                A former "Air Force commando" considers "what's an X-71" an intelligent question.
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                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                  by nee
                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                  81
                                                                                                                                                  Movies involving shuttles and saving the earth have room for barely two babes. Watts is 1.5 of that.
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                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                    by nee
                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                    82
                                                                                                                                                    Part of NASA training is a pilot that sucks the eyes to the back of your heads, by flying in a jet at all sorts of speeds and angles.
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                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                      by nee
                                                                                                                                                      0
                                                                                                                                                      83
                                                                                                                                                      If anybody's anybody, Ben Affleck is Han, and Owen Wilson is Chewbacca.
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                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                        by nee
                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                        84
                                                                                                                                                        A bunch of Americans and one Russian is all we need to save the world from total annihilation.
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                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                          by nee
                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                          85
                                                                                                                                                          Oil rig drillers tend to use catamen, horse sedatives, as a recreational drug.
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                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                            by nee
                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                            86
                                                                                                                                                            Part of NASA physical requirements include whether or not you display fierce territorial aggression.
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                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                              by nee
                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                              87
                                                                                                                                                              Thinking Jethro Tull is just some person in a band really grind Owen Wilson's gears.
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                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                by nee
                                                                                                                                                                0
                                                                                                                                                                88
                                                                                                                                                                The guy in charge of the team going into space is the guy that has to train blue-collar workers not to freak out on an asteroid. His hot co-pilot teaches then that if kicked in the balls they will float away.
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                                                                                                                                                                  Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                  by nee
                                                                                                                                                                  0
                                                                                                                                                                  89
                                                                                                                                                                  The toughest vehicle man has ever made to save the earth, cannot barely withstand a volley of 20mm cartridges from a short-barrelled M61 Vulcan.
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                                                                                                                                                                    Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                    by nee
                                                                                                                                                                    0
                                                                                                                                                                    90
                                                                                                                                                                    The one colonel in charge of an operation requiring the use of a firearm, lacks trigger discipline.
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                                                                                                                                                                      Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                      by nee
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                                                                                                                                                                      91
                                                                                                                                                                      Professional astronauts will casually leave remote-controlled miniguns loaded and lying around so that demented comrades can use them haphazardly.
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                                                                                                                                                                        Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                        by nee
                                                                                                                                                                        0
                                                                                                                                                                        92
                                                                                                                                                                        Launching two shuttles at once is not a considerable safety risk. Oh yeah, and astronauts don't wear gloves at launch time.
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                                                                                                                                                                          Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                          by nee
                                                                                                                                                                          0
                                                                                                                                                                          93
                                                                                                                                                                          Shuttle liftoff in NASA parlance is "pucker time".
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                                                                                                                                                                            Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                            by nee
                                                                                                                                                                            0
                                                                                                                                                                            94
                                                                                                                                                                            Russians store liquid O2 in their space stations just so they can be sophisticated laboritories-slash-gas stations. Ya know, in case American cowboys need to refuel while they go about to save the earth.
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                                                                                                                                                                              Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                              by nee
                                                                                                                                                                              0
                                                                                                                                                                              95
                                                                                                                                                                              In Soviet Russia, it's a big deal if your uncle worked in a factory that made the tips of bombs that finds New York or Washington.
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                                                                                                                                                                                Posted, 30th September 2013
                                                                                                                                                                                by nee
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